SEVEN FALLIBLE SOCIETAL GENERALIZATIONS ON RELATIONSHIPS.
1. IF YOU MISS IT IN MARRIAGE, YOU HAVE MISSED IT IN LIFE.
A statement laced with terror, sending cold shivers down my spine, making marriage look like a dreaded and insurmountable bridge that I don't want to cross.
Nobody prays for a failed marriage, at least none that I know of but sometimes, MISTAKES are made; deliberately or unintentionally.
Does that mean your entire life is a total failure??
'If' marriage fails, you heal, refocus, forge ahead and make other areas of your life count.
Your 'unsuccessful marriage' is never a standard to measure your success as an individual.
2. 'A wise woman builds her home; she is responsible for keeping the home in one piece'.
Oh well, speaking of a lone builder here!
In a bid to prove themselves as proverbs 31 women (which is not a bad idea), many women have caused themselves to be frustrated at the expense of their health, sanity, ambitions and all.
Building a Relationship/ marriage requires combined efforts, more like a 50:50 thingy.
So what's with the entire pressure on women?
You hear brute societal statements like:
'Her husband sleeps around, oh! She has failed as a wife'.
'Her son smokes marijuana, what a shame! She has failed as a mother!'
What happened to the father?
Hence the paraphrase;
'Wise men and women build their homes; they are responsible for keeping their homes in one piece'.
3. 'Always apologize even when your husband is wrong, it shows that you are submissive'
I need painkillers on this one.
Wait a sec, I should always grovel and say 'I am sorry, I was wrong' even when I am not the offender?
I hope wonders like this will cease someday.
What a heartbreaking, demoralizing and sense deficient statement?!
How long will I continue to massage an insatiable ego?
Like the saying 'Do not start what you can't finish'.
Suffice to say, if you start apologizing for 'all' wrongs, be prepared to do that for the rest of your life because the day you eventually get an epiphany and decide to stop, well... You don't want to experience the aftermath.
4. 'The man is the bread winner; don't intimidate him by getting richer'.
More like telling an eagle; 'don’t fly in the sky, you will intimidate the hen'.
This archaic balderdash contributes largely to the reason why some men experience mental pressure, fear of failure as a provider and high blood pressure to say the least.
They are saddled with bills & other monetary obligations beyond their financial capacity.
Women on the other hand have been restricted from breaking new grounds and making a name for themselves because it was conceived that they might dominate the man afterwards.
Hence my submission:
A woman is a help meet and burden sharer. If your man is the breadwinner, Please try and win some butter.
5. 'You are not fulfilled until you marry; hence marriage is the greatest achievement'.
A lot of singles are in a frenzy to be in the league of this 'great achievers'.
This is why we spend a chunk of our single life preparing for marriage alone and neglecting the greater 'purpose'.
Marriage is a beautiful thing, It is also essential to prepare for marriage like, reading marriage books, attending relationship seminars, learning how to pound yam and grind pepper with stone and other things we do but that should not cloud your entire being that you put other areas of your life on hold..
Get married (if you can) but do not neglect other important areas too.
6. 'If you love someone, let them go, if they come back, they are meant for you'.
Really? Because they are domestic fowls abi? You know many of these animals never make it back home because they end up in the pot of fast fingers?
*Exhales* I beg to differ.
In some cases, your spouse could be like that proverbial intransigent housefly that followed the dead body to the grave due to misused freedom, distractions and wrong advice.
These days, if you let him/her go just because you want to follow an anonymous quote, another substitute (that is single to stupor) will grab your wandering spouse and you (the experimental scientist) might be at the losing end & share sad stories later.
This might seem like a bitter pill to swallow but 'a firm grip on what's yours might prevent your spouse from embarking on that journey of no return'.
Unless it’s for the greater good, do not let go just to prove a quote right or wrong.
7. 'Start the relationship, even if you don't love him now, you will fall in love later'
This kinda statement gives me a headache in my legs.
Why should you take the plunge?
What's the probability that the love you are forcefully trying to build will surface?
Life is too short to be entangled in a web of forced relationships. You are not Spiderman; you might not get out easily!
In a bid to play along, you end up frustrating yourself and your partner altogether because sooner or later, you will be faced with an inevitable decision that might leave two hearts broken, wounded, shattered, squashed and battered.
You know what I mean?
Your happiness counts for something, please don't lose it.
These misconceptions need to be corrected.
Know the truth and flow with it.
Stay happy and loved!
Wish you a fulfilling relationship!
Kisses and cheeseballs!